I will say to Nobody: "you are my dear Somebody."
Hosea 2:22. I don't think i have ever read words that have touched me more.
I find myself in a state of constant inner turmoil. It is as if I am constantly trying to "pin" my identity.
I think it must have started at about age four as I labled myself: "i'm Herman and Esta's daughter, with long blonde hair and good manners."
And surely my inner turmoil and identity crisis-conversation progressed from there:
I'm the one who can't write neatly (age7)
I'm the new kid at school (8-11)
I'm the one that reads shakespeare and likes drama... and i'm friends with the beautiful, older, popular girl (12)
I'm a Christian but I'm "cool" (12-17)
I'm the one that does not date (16-19)
I'm Edward's girlfriend.(19-20)
I'm Edward's wife.(20)
I'm a committed stay-at home mom who is a christian.(21-current)
I'm a committed stay- at- home mom who is a christian that is pro co-sleeping
I am a committed stay-at-home mom who is a christian that is pro co-sleeping and breastfeeding
I am a committed stay-at home mom who is a christian that is pro co-sleeping and breastfeeding and tandem nursing!
I am not pro tandem nursing.
no, I am.
no, I am not.
o dear who am I?
I am a homeschooler!
This is hard. Maybe I am not a homeschooler.
Maybe I could be a homeschooler if only I didn't tandem nurse.
I am not really a missionary, am I?
I think I'm so desperately trying to define myself because I want to live a significant and fulfilling life, and I am afraid of screwing that up.
As I read those words in Hosea 2:22 tonight relief flushed over me and I felt completely satisfied for a moment. God really does know exactly what we so desperately yearn for and only He knows how to fill that empty space that each of us has. No one on earth can make me feel as significant as Jesus does.
Isn't it amazing? He loves me and I matter to Him. Me in particular!
and you too. you in particular.
