Nobody: " you are my dear Somebody"

I will say to Nobody: "you are my dear Somebody."
Hosea 2:22. I don't think i have ever read words that have touched me more.

I find myself in a state of constant inner turmoil. It is as if I am constantly trying to "pin" my identity.
I think it must have started at about age four as I labled myself: "i'm Herman and Esta's daughter, with long blonde hair and good manners."
And surely my inner turmoil and identity crisis-conversation progressed from there:

I'm the one who can't write neatly (age7)
I'm the new kid at school (8-11)
I'm the one that reads shakespeare and likes drama... and i'm friends with the beautiful, older, popular girl (12)
I'm a Christian but I'm "cool" (12-17)
I'm the one that does not date (16-19)
I'm Edward's girlfriend.(19-20)
I'm Edward's wife.(20)
I'm a committed stay-at home mom who is a christian.(21-current)
I'm a committed stay- at- home mom who is a christian that is pro co-sleeping
I am a committed stay-at-home mom who is a christian that is pro co-sleeping and breastfeeding
I am a committed stay-at home mom who is a christian that is pro co-sleeping and breastfeeding and tandem nursing!

I am not pro tandem nursing.
no, I am.
no, I am not.
o dear who am I?



I am a homeschooler!
This is hard. Maybe I am not a homeschooler.
Maybe I could be a homeschooler if  only I didn't tandem nurse.

I am not really a missionary, am I?

I think I'm so desperately trying to define myself because I want to live a significant and fulfilling life, and I am afraid of screwing that up.

As I read those words in Hosea 2:22 tonight relief flushed over me and I felt completely satisfied for a moment. God really does know exactly what we so desperately yearn for and only He knows how to fill that empty space that each of us has. No one on earth can make me feel as significant as Jesus does.

Isn't it amazing? He loves me and I matter to Him. Me in particular!

and you too. you in particular.

can one blog with just words? let me rephrase, could i blog in a way that other people find interesting using just words? or, mostly words and a few less-than professional photos?

i am intimidated by all the beautiful blogs with the amazing photographs and crafty borders and tid bits that i read. i find those blogs so interesting and inspiring and at the same time they make me feel as if i have no reason to blog at all! and yet... here i am. i want to. i'm giving it a shot.

I'm calling my blog soapbox for sincerity because that's what i hope it will be, a place where i can express myself honestly, without giving thought to how i would like people to see me. Or perhaps i should rather say, a place where i express myself honestly, ignoring the thoughts i have about how i would like people to see me.

I am a creative person, and i believe God wants to develop my creativity. I feel pleased with whatever creative thing i've done as long as it was fun to do and either looks pretty or tastes good. i do not like it when doing something creative feels like work because... i'm lazy. there, i said it. no other reason. i just stop having fun when something creative becomes difficult to do, and having fun is my favorite thing to do. 

That's why i'm not going to try and make my blog look amazing, at least, i'm not going to try today. if i do, i might feel overwhelmed and give up all together. Hopefully, i'll (slowly but surely) rise to the challenge and create a pretty blog, but for now, here are my thoughts and the things on my heart, sincerely.

marshmallow-flower-cupcakes. pretty, yummy and super easy. perfect for a lazy but somewhat creative baker like myself :-)